The Pied Piper Pantomime Script by Alan P Frayn, Stage Right Creative

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PANTOMIMES

The Pied Piper

At last, a modern pantomime re-telling of this famous title, with loads of new ideas and ratty mayhem!


Fancy a less commonly performed pantomime, but still with the appeal of a famous, traditional title?  Then look no further than this cracking new version of the Germanic tale!  True to its roots in folklore, but packed full of up-to-date comedy, this is "much more of a panto" than most other versions.

Sour-Kraut (the Witch) and Rat-Worst (the Chief Rat) battle it out against Fairy Strudel and a host of comical characters, including Dame Helga Von Trump (the local sausage maker).  Some unusual scenes include Helga’s pig farm and a hilarious sausage cooking routine.

There's plenty for the Chorus and Dancers to get their teeth into, particularly the junior members, who are piglets in one scene and also get to play the rats and the young townsfolk, who are spirited away by the Piper.  What's more, most groups will be pleased to hear that very few men are required among the principals.

Full cast and scenery requirements are listed below

Many productions of this script have won NODA and drama federation “Best Pantomime” awards!

"...This was a show big on laughs, as the cast squeezed every last giggle from gags about rats, the German language, sewage and enormous sausages!  This was Seaton’s biggest, boldest, funniest panto yet and though no rats or children were harmed in the production, many an audience member split their sides.”  (View News Devon)
the pied piper
Minehead Panto People
the pied piper
Minehead Panto People
EXCERPT from Act I Scene 1: The Town Square © Alan P Frayn

WILLIE:Oh, there you are, Mum!  That sunbed you ordered has just been delivered.
HELGA:Ooh, good – have you had a look at it?
WILLIE:Yes, but some German’s already put his towel on it!
HELGA:I shouldn’t really be splashing out on things like that, cos it’s left me short of money to pay the Burgomeister now.
WILLIE:You mean we can’t go to McDonald’s?
HELGA:Eh?
WILLIE:You said we haven’t got enough for the “burger master”!
HELGA:No, the Burgomeister!  It’s rent day!
WILLIE:We never did have much money, did we, Mum?  Remember when you used to make me wear those stick-on soles?
HELGA:Yes, but lots of children had to make do with them.
WILLIE:I know, but they had shoes!
HELGA:It was your Dad’s fault – he used to spend it all on his wine-making.
WILLIE:Wine drinking, more like! 
HELGA:I know – that’s why he was such a terrible singer.
WILLIE:What do you mean?
HELGA:Well, he always used to come in late and he could never find the right key!
WILLIE:Yeah, but he did have his good points too.
HELGA:That’s true – he was a very good vater.  [Pronounced: “farter”]
WILLIE:What do you expect with a name like “Von Trump”?
HELGA:No – vater.  That’s German for father! … He shot down two German planes, you know.
WILLIE:Cor, did he get a medal?
HELGA:No, a prison sentence – it was 1987! … And the day after he got out, he went and drowned in one of his vats of wine.
WILLIE:Oh, dear – he didn’t suffer, did he?
HELGA:I don’t think so, no – he got out twice to go to the toilet!
WILLIE:And what about your previous husband?
HELGA:Never touched a drop of alcohol – he died from drinking too much coffee!
WILLIE:Let’s hope it was instant!
HELGA:And as for my first, he fell into the washing machine.
WILLIE:Oh, well – at least he died in Comfort!
HELGA:That’s enough banter, son – if we’re gonna pay this rent, we need to sell some sausages – and quick! … Hey, that reminds me – I left some cooking in the oven.
WILLIE:You’d better get back before the timer goes off.
HELGA:What timer?
WILLIE:You know – the one that bleeps before you take the sausages out.
HELGA:Oh, you mean the smoke alarm!
Characters
BURGOMEISTER: Pompous head of Hamelin town council. (Probably male, but could be played by female)
HELGA VON TRUMP: Pantomime Dame, a sausage-maker and pig farmer. (Obviously, best played by a man)
WILLIE: Helga’s daft son. (Male, but could be played by female)
HANS: Helga’s more sensible son. (Can either be played by male, or female as Principal Boy)
HEIDI: The Burgomeister’s daughter. (Principal girl)
PIPPIN: The Pied Piper. (Probably male, but could be played by female)
BLATTER &
SPLATTER:
Idiotic rat catchers, typical panto-style comedy twosome. (Either can be male or female)
SOUR-KRAUT: An evil sorceress. (Female)
RAT-WORST: The Chief Rat. (Male or female)
FAIRY STRUDEL: Typical good fairy character. (Female)
CHORUS: Germanic townsfolk
Farmhands
Spirits of the Magic Mountain
DANCERS: Featured in musical numbers as desired.
JUNIORS: Young Townsfolk, Piglets and Rats
THE 4 RATLETS: 4 young Dancers or Chorus also play the speaking “Ratlets” in Act I.

Scenes  (Notes on simplified scenery are also included in the script)
ACT I  
Prologue: Sweet ‘n Sour Starters (As Act I Scene 1, magically lit)
Scene 1 : The Town Square (Full stage exterior scene)
Scene 2 : Down in the Sewers (Front of Tabs or front cloth)
Scene 3 : Helga’s Pig Farm (Full or half-stage pig farm scene)
Scene 4 : The Hinterland of Hamelin (Front of Tabs or front cloth)
Scene 5 : Back in the Square (Full stage, as Act I Scene 1)
Scene 6 : On the Banks of the River(Front of Tabs or front cloth)
Scene 7 : In the Far Flung Foothills (Front cloth or front of Tabs)
Scene 8 : The Magic Mountain (Full stage “transformation” scene)
ACT II  
Scene 1 : The Rat and Ferret (Full stage Bierkeller scene)
Scene 2 : The Burgomeister’s Chambers (Front of Tabs or front cloth)
Scene 3 : Downtown Again (Full stage, as Act I Scene 1)
Scene 4 : Return to the River (As Act I Scene 6)
Scene 5 : The Sausage Stuffery (Probably as Act I Scene 3)
Scene 6 : Meanwhile in the Mountains (As Act I Scene 7)
Scene 7 : Wunderbar! (As Act I Scene 8)
Scene 8 : Piggery Jokery (Front of Tabs)
Scene 9 : Auf Wiedersehen! (Probably as Act I Scene 1 or 8)

“…The Pied Piper was a brand new pantomime script written by Alan P Frayn and had all the ingredients of a good panto and much up to date humour, which the audience loved. Set in the German town of Hamelin, the script followed the well-known story as it moved from the town square into the sewers, onto a pig farm, a sausage stuffing factory and finally into the magic mountain! This well-delivered panto could not fail to delight audiences.”

NODA Report

Spittal Variety Group

“…This was a lovely story written by the ever popular Alan Frayn, containing all the necessary ingredients of a good pantomime. Incorporating a neat balance of songs, some good comedy and plenty of jokes, this was a well-rounded script. The opening of Act 2 in the Rat and Ferret certainly had the wow factor, but for me this pantomime was all about children and they were certainly the stars of the show. I really enjoyed the antics of the Ratlets and how we all laughed at the Burgomeister with his adding up and the sausage routine worked like a dream!”

SFD Spotlight Magazine

 

“…Alan P Frayn’s less ‘Grimm’ version of the pantomime was jam-packed with witty one-liners and it provided an excellent night of entertainment. Blatter and Splatter, the hilarious double act brought much laughter from the audience throughout the performance. Another special mention must be made for the pig farm scene, while the clever, sausage cooking scene had the audience in stitches! It was a most enjoyable pantomime.”

NODA Report

Tipton Players & Pantomime Society

“…I can't express how thrilled I was with your Pantomime The Pied Piper! I can honestly say it is my favourite one ever! We had over 40 in the cast, 20 of whom were children. The script enabled me to make full use of all ages and everybody was involved throughout, which was such a treat for chorus who usually make the odd appearance. We are still riding high on the compliments flooding in to our venue and from all sources!”

Seaton Gateway Panto

 

“…This panto, written cleverly by Alan Frayn, brought all the elements of the original story and entwined them with traditional panto fun and some classic 'double-entendres'. Dame Helga Von Trump and her silly Willie son fronted the comedy, with Good Fairy Strudel and evil Sour Kraut giving us plenty to boo and hiss at! Leading the naughty little rats was Rat-Worst, who delivered some excellent put-down dialogue, amusing the adults and children alike. I loved the 'river' created from bolts of bluey-green fabric – the 'rats' drowned most effectively!! A fine pantomime, well received by an appreciative audience.”

NODA Report

Garforth Musical Society

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