Jack & the Beanstalk Pantomime Script by Alan P Frayn

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Funny, original, award-winning pantomime scripts
by Alan P Frayn
“I cannot remember using so many superlatives to describe one show” (The Stage)

“Exceptionally inventive – a panto that has everything!” (Amateur Stage Magazine)
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PANTOMIMES

Jack and the Beanstalk

With an action-packed storyline, this very original, funny script makes for panto at its best!


Including heaps of side-splitting humour, solid character parts and keeping the Chorus involved throughout, this sparkling new version is guaranteed to banish boredom … in your audience and cast alike!

This fun-filled script is packed with novel ideas and comedy business, whilst remaining faithful to the well-known story.  Abundant audience participation, visual comedy and traditional pantomime antics are also included, together with two particularly havoc-prone Broker’s Men, Snatchet and Scarper.

There is also a good opportunity for an unusual, show-stopping ultra-violet scene (optional) as the magic begins to work in the garden.  The scenery can be fairly straight-forward, but there’s lots of scope for some spectacular staging for a more ambitious production!

Full cast and scenery requirements are listed below

Many productions of this script have won NODA and drama federation awards, including The Bolsover Drama Group (NODA “Best Pantomime”)!

"...Jack & the Beanstalk really is a giant of a production.  Audience participation is prominent throughout, the jokes come thick and fast and the plot moves at a cracking pace.  Forget the rest — this is simply the best!”  (The Sheffield Star)
jack and the beanstalk
Mansfield HTT © Redbutton Photography
jack and the beanstalk
Paignton Pantomime Productions
EXCERPT from Act II Scene 3: Inside the Giant’s Castle © Alan P Frayn

MUSIC:Optional Tongue-in-cheek Number (GIANT, CHORUS and DANCERS)
GIANT:Fee fi fo fum, it’s so good to have Rancid under my thumb.  (Calling him:) Rancid!
RANCID:(Running on SL) Yes, your enormousness?
GIANT:Did you check my Twitter feed for me?
RANCID:Yes, but there’s just another senseless tweet from some loony who doesn’t know what he’s talking about.
GIANT:Not Donald Trump again!
RANCID:‘Fraid so!
GIANT:I’m hungry!  Is it dinner time yet?
RANCID:Not yet, your colossalness.
GIANT:Then bring me a snack – I fancy one of those things on a stick.
RANCID:You mean an ice-lolly?
GIANT:No – a pensioner!
RANCID:(Looking into the audience) Well, I just happen to know where I can find plenty of those!
GIANT:And is there any wholefood in?
RANCID:How does a whole cow and a whole apple Charlotte sound, your humongousness?
GIANT:Hmm – I suppose that will do, as long as I get plenty of appetisers first.
RANCID:Oh, I don’t think we can run to that.  Money’s a bit tight now … thanks to Brexit!
GIANT:Nonsense!  Bring me a bucket of houmous and a vat of sweet chilli sauce!
RANCID:Oh, no – looks like we’re in for a “double dip” recession! 
GIANT:Yeah – and that’s just for starters!  (He laughs.)
RANCID:How do you like your beef served, your massiveness?
GIANT:Oh, just cut its horns off and wipe its bum!
RANCID:No problem!
GIANT:And after that, I’m off out.
RANCID:Out?  Where to, your ginormousness?
GIANT:I’m going clubbing!  (If it’s possible to have a club in his hand, he raises it over this line.)
RANCID:(He cowers away from the large club, or holds one up from somewhere on the set if the Giant doesn’t have one.)  Oh, I see what you mean!
GIANT:But first, a glass of wine, some music from my harp and a song from the Princess.
Characters
JACK: Bright, plucky young man. (Can either be played by male, or female as Principal Boy)
DOTTY DIMPLE: Pantomime Dame, a poor dairy farmer – Jack’s mother. (Obviously, best played by a man)
SIMPLE SIMON: Jack’s brother. (Male, or can be played by female)
PICCALILLI: The Wicked Witch. (Female)
SUGARDUST: The good Fairy. (Female)
RANCID: Local rat-catcher, a “comedy baddie”. (Male)
KING CRUMBLE: Typical King character, a bit of a ditherer. (Male)
QUEEN APRICOT: A little brighter than the King. (Female)
CHARLOTTE: Young Princess, kind and innocent. (Principal Girl)
SNATCHET &
SCARPER:
The Broker’s men, typical panto-style comedy twosome. (Either can be male or female)
HUMPHREY: The Royal Equerry, a bit of a twit. (Male)
THE GIANT: Buster Gut-Bucket, the Giant. (Can be depicted using a costume or large prop, with booming voice.)
BUTTERMILK: A Pantomime Cow.
CHORUS: Villagers
Fayre Goers
The Giant’s Minions
DANCERS: Featured in musical numbers as desired.  Also perform the optional ultra-violet scene.
Scenes  (Notes on simplified scenery are also included in the script)
ACT I  
Prologue: Bitter-sweet Beginnings (Front cloth, gauze or front of Tabs)
Scene 1 : The Village of Old Windy Bottom (Full stage village scene)
Scene 2 : Outside Dotty Dimple’s Dairy (Front of Tabs or front cloth)
Scene 3 : In the Dairy (Half-stage scene with front cloth or MS Tabs)
Scene 4 : On the Way to Market (As Act I Scene 2)
Scene 5 : The Village Fayre (Full stage exterior scene)
Scene 6 : Dame Dimple’s Bakery (As Act I Scene 3)
Scene 7 : [Optional] A Little Night Magic (MS black Tabs – UV scene)
Scene 8 : The Journey Begins (As Act I Scene 1, plus beanstalk)
ACT II  
Scene 1 : The Top of the Beanstalk (Full stage cloudland scene)
Scene 2 : Of Cabbages and Kings! (Front of Tabs or front cloth)
Scene 3 : Inside the Giant’s Castle (Full stage interior scene)
Scene 4 : A Creepy Castle Corridor (As Act II Scene 2)
Scene 5 : Back Home in the Village (Full stage, as Act I Scene 1)
Scene 6 : Sing Along with Simon (Front of Tabs)
Scene 7 : Happy Endings (Probably as Act I Scene 1)

“…A show clearly written by a panto professional. For it was Alan Frayn’s well-constructed script, the nearest thing you’ll get to a “how to do panto course”, that helped put us all in panto heaven.”

The Huddersfield Daily Examiner

 

“…Yesterday I was lucky enough to get to watch The Wight Strollers annual pantomime, which this year was ‘Jack and the Beanstalk’. The show was absolutely incredible. Alan P Frayn was once again on the top of his game with a great script. This show was quite possibly one of the best pantomimes I’ve ever seen!”

Isle of Wight Theatre Magazine

 

"...First thing’s first. You need a good script. And you chose well with Alan Frayn’s script. There were gags-a-plenty, which kept the audience giggling and tee-heeing throughout, with regular guffaws thrown in for good measure! All the ingredients of a good panto were there."

SFD Spotlight Magazine

 

"...Jack and the Beanstalk has been fantastic! The script is really funny with laugh after laugh all performance long. You really know your stuff when it comes to writing panto! It really is very traditional but also up to date. The UV scene is spectacular – thanks for all your help and advice. Our reputation has been really enhanced by doing your version."

Kidz R Us, St Ives

 

“…Out of the ordinary (and sometimes outrageous) jokes had the adults laughing as much as the kids. A particular one-liner will stay with me for a lifetime! And yet, ask my 11 year-old son what he enjoyed the most and he will also say the “great jokes”. Jack & the Beanstalk will go down as one of my favourite family activities this year.”

Holybourne Village Magazine

 

“…A script by Alan P Frayn that is clever, witty and highly entertaining! 'The old ones are the best' clearly doesn't apply here. Many of the jokes are fresh and importantly, it really is all good, clean fun. As a traditional family pantomime it provides great value for money, is exuberant and infectious and is just what is needed to get the festive season off to a rollicking start!”

Sardines Magazine

 

"...A lively modern script by Midlands writer Alan P Frayn gave many a topical twist to this most traditional of pantomimes, which played to ten packed houses. It was the (beans) talk of the town! The audience left with smiles on their faces and warm comments."

The Shropshire Times

 

“…I am very familiar with Alan Frayn scripts having directed them for many years and I believe that they are some of the best pantomime scripts on the market for amateur performance. His scripts are updated every year to ensure that the jokes are fresh and relevant and this is a big bonus.”

NODA Report

Newton Abbot & District MCS

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